Perfect gift you ask? wait!

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”

-Mary Oliver

The other day I was wondering what could be a perfect gift to give someone. It may seem like a mundane question but then it gets difficult as you think about the possible viable options. The joy of giving is beyond all the earthly joys and hence this question deserves some ponder. So let’s analyze it.

Flowers, you say? The grand gladioli, creative carnations and resplendent roses! Yeah, flowers look pretty; smell good too but then what? See them wilting day by day and you will feel a certain kind of sadness around. They become more of a burden on the soul with passing time.

Certain gadgets, you suggest? Well gadgets are definitely attractive I would say with shiny outlook and various functionalities but in less than a month they would become obsolete and outdated with updated versions coming in market almost daily and in less than six months they would be replaced. So all of you pop-culture-crap-creatures, I say no to gadgets as well.

And similarly I would reject options like chocolates, perfumes and ornaments as they fail on some grounds.

A gift I feel must be an endless source of light, a heavenly shower, a basket of hopes or a beam of sunshine. But these things are beyond the ambit of human beings. I wonder isn't there something which includes all of them and remains within our reach too. I want an answer and this desire is so fierce that I look everywhere to find it. I look outside and then I look inside myself too and I find,

“I am not sure that I exist, actually. I am all the writers I have read….” – (Jorge Luis Borges)

Yes, a major part of me is what I've read. I can find the greatest of writers and their quotes inside me. This is a thing that would go to the grave with me and so the thought of the person, who introduced me to these quotes/ writers/ books. This makes a book the most awesome and dangerously beautiful gift at the same time. Times will come and go but some ideas, quotes and beliefs would remain with you beyond life.

And I’m certainly that weirdo who would want you to remember her with a deep seated idea in your mind that transgress time and space. So I’m sorry for the spoiler alert but next time when you are getting a gift from me you can save the adrenaline rush while unwrapping it by being sure that it is a book.

 Now, kill me royally!

Secret of ultimate happiness

‘The most important relationship in the life is the one you have with yourself. And if you have that, any other relationship is a plus and not a must’ – Diane Von Frustenberg

The world, we live in, is full of colors, music, vibes, hopes and possibilities. We experience and explore these things daily and this world keeps on bedazzling us with many more such things on a regular basis. Truly said, ‘the best of the ideas/motivations in life come through personal experience’. This whole scenario seems so perfect and beautiful, but it gets complicated as soon as the idea of ‘a-company-while-exploring-things’ enters in it. 

Man is a social animal. We need society for nurturing ourselves and with the society, the idea of a partner and procreation comes too in the picture. We are conditioned to get a partner and settle with him/her while approaching mid twenties (or thirties), blend our lives with them and live happily-ever-after. This whole system seems so easy and conventional, then why marriages fall apart and individuals involved in it suffer?

Well, there may be a hundred of explanations for this but I’m dealing with only one of them this time. My perception for this problem may seem alien or even way-too-advanced to you but then it’s what I observed and truly believe in. I observed that sometimes in a marriage/ relationship individuals become too much codependent and needy. So needy so that they need the other person almost every time to make themselves feel happy. The idea of happiness for them is limited to their partners and what their partners do for them. They keep on saying things like, ‘I’m nothing without you’ or ‘without you I can’t remain happy ever’ to their partners. They become so needy and load their partners with bundle of expectations. They lower their self esteems to a level where their ‘better halves’ are actually ‘the better halves’ of them. Lets talk some physics here, if we will place too much of load on a limited area only, the pressure exerted would be so higher that it will eventually make some dents in that place. Similarly too much expectations from a single person will lead him/her to retort and hurt you.

So now comes the solution part, first of all try to be self sufficient. If you don’t enjoy your own company you won’t be able to enjoy someone else’s company too. ‘You’ should become your best friend. Try to take care of your body and mind so that they take care of you, too. Invest your time, money and energy in yourself and you will get tremendous results. Love yourself, only then the other people will love you. No one wants to be with a partner who is so weak, needy or fragile. Do all the things that make you happy and spread this happiness. Yes, strengthen your relationship with yourself so that all other relationships will be a matter of choice to you. Follow you dreams, pursue your passions and buy some flowers for yourself, next time you return home!  

And lastly, be proud to be in a committed relationship with yourself!

Saying no is the new sexy!

 “Saying no can be the ultimate self-care.” –Claudia Black

               People ranging from Steve Jobs to Paulo Coelho enlightened us with the usefulness of saying no. Like how saying no can save us from some very awkward situations, save our energy, time and money (and of course brains). But that time they didn’t realize that they are guiding Gen Y with an immensely useful dating tip. Yes, your guess is right.

Dating tip #1- Say ‘No’, It is the new sexy!

                 Gone are the days when agreeing with your partner in everything was considered as proper dating etiquette and when best partner of the world was used to be a person who would say yes on each and every thing. Let it be going out for a movie, buying a new pet or any petty/huge issue.

                                                           But, Aah! Human mind and it’s complexities. Our generation doesn’t like simple things. A thing should be complex and complicated to keep us enchanted with it. So those people out there who are agreeing with their partners on each and every thing, kindly stop. You are not doing any good to your relationship. Soon your partners will get bored with the monotonous ‘yes’. Stop repelling them. Learn saying no, ASAP.

                                                                               Saying no gives you a mystic aura that attracts your partner and makes them think that you have some covert aspects of your personality, they are not aware of and so they have to overt them. Soon they will get totally busy in overting those layers and won’t even realize that they are trapped in them. They won’t get a chance to get bored. So start saying no frequently. Like, no I’m not available for outing this time. Oh God no! I don’t like your shirt a bit. And keep saying stuff like, ‘baby! You are so good but the problem is with me, I think I’m not ready to take this relationship to the next step’. Saying things like these maintain your importance in the relationship.

                                                                  And when you become an expert in saying no, proceed to the next level. Now saying things like, ‘Oh! I don’t give a damn about that’ can come in handy. Trust me, it’s really attractive and soon you will become catnip of your partners. Just remember never to cross the line and maintain equilibrium.

                     

                   Now you may ask how to give them element of surprise at times? Well, just say ‘Yes’ for a change and your work is done!

Mars, Venus.. whatever !

        I don’t believe in that theory that says all the men are from mars and women from Venus. I mean, you can say it about majority but exceptions would always be there. There are some men who are Venusian and Martian women are there as well. Once I took on a quiz on internet that asked me all sort of random and weird questions and declared my mind is 68% male. Well I wasn’t too surprised at this result as I knew this fact since ever.

       

         My mind doesn’t work like a Venusian mind. It’s clearly Martian. For starters I don't like being miserable and that whole lets-talk-this-out part and then when someone suggests me to think about anything from my heart, I always wonder what my brain will do then? Heart has it’s clear function to pump and circulate blood throughout our body, then why to engage it in some extracurricular activity? It’s like asking Pope to take place of Brad Pitt or vice-versa. Whoever suggested that opposites attract didn't conclude this statement with the phrase ‘only to torture each other’. It’s very hard to keep a Venusian partner happy. If you are from mars and your partner is Venusian, trust me you are neck deep in trouble. If you will talk too much she/he will complain that you never listen and if you listen she/he will say that you never actually participate in the talks. And if relationship is this hard just think how hard breaking up is going to be!

       

      Never tell them that you want a breakup straightforwardly. It will blow them off. Just start with how good they are and how happy you are with them but how you are not able to do justice with the love they shower upon you. Conclude this speech with you-deserve-someone-better part. ‘I was lying in bed one day and was thinking about our relationship’ is always a good start. Don’t torture yourself with the thought that they deserve truth more than anything. It will just make them more miserable if you will tell them that how they damaged this relationship. They just need some good words and some appreciation so after that end of this talk would not matter much to them.

       And how to say ‘we should end this’ in Martian? Well, just say ‘we should end this!’

            Actually it’s weird but I feel that animals are better at breaking up than us. I’ve never seen a jealous hen fighting with her partner as he started going out with someone else. I even read in a research that a bull never mates with same cow twice. He can’t be fooled into it by any trick. Which is good in a way as the cow won’t be sitting near phone wondering if that second date might ever happen! Animals have a silent understanding that this thing is not working anymore. This suggests that animals are from a better planet than mars or Venus without any exception!

              

He writes, She writes !

The guy’s version-

My dear,

   Addressing you is always something that requires much efforts from my side as firstly, I’m not a very expressive kind of person and then you know almost everything about me. You and your company give me immense pleasure and that’s how I describe my relationship with you. Verboseness and grandiloquence is not the area that interests me. I know sometimes you want to listen words coated with sugar of love but saying them makes me feel uncomfortable! The love I feel for you surpasses all the worldly things. It is so simple yet so complex to describe that I prefer to remain silent. I request you not to force me to be too expressive as it will ruin the sanctity of my love.

    Also, term ‘future’ scares the hell out of me, when you ask me what our future is, I get sweat drops on my forehead as thinking about the past and contemplating about the future, both of us have wasted quite a long time of our lives. I want us to enjoy the beauty of the present.

   The things we talk are simply amazing. The smell of raindrops, the beauty of a verse, pronunciation of a word, clouds, worries, fears and life..everything! I want to appreciate the beauty of so many things with you. I really do!

    I know you put lot of efforts to keep it going on with me and I acknowledge your efforts wholeheartedly if not verbally. But trust me; even I’m putting efforts into it. Thanks for coming in my life!

Falsely yours!

Me.

The girl’s version-

My dear,

   Addressing you is always a pleasure as you are the one with whom I can speak my heart out. I want to know more of you. You and your company give me immense pleasure and that’s what makes our relationship so strong. I know you love me a lot but sometimes I want to hear it from you. It’s not like I don’t trust this fact that you love me but listening it again and again makes me feel so special. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I am not afraid to say it. But I understand that you don’t want to dilute the importance of these feelings so you keep quiet generally.

  When I ask you what is our future, it’s just the acknowledgement of the fact that how happy I am with you in present. I feel uncomfortable when your reply is just a moment of tormenting silence.

  The things we talk are simply amazing. The vastness of the subject of our talks overwhelms me with heavenly joy. You are my best friend and my partner both. I want to have innumerable conversations like these with you. I really do!

   And lastly be yourself, I can bear with your disguised love but I can’t bear with the idea of you tormenting yourself to make it up with me. I appreciate whatever you do for me. Thanks for coming in my life!

Truly yours,

Me.


listen this blogpost as a souncloud file here-

https://soundcloud.com/deepshikha1607/he-says-she-says

Is he/she the one?

      In life it’s important to be with the right person. Next question that could pop in your mind is, ‘how to find that right person?’ I mean we neither possess any x-ray vision so that we’d be able to distinguish them from others nor they are going to hold a placard that says, ‘I’m the one’. Then isn’t it a big problem? 
                          
                                  In their mid-twenties, everyone starts wondering if they are with the right person or not and if not then how are they going to find ‘The one’. Well, this post is for them who have some suspects of being ‘The one’ in their lives but they are not sure which one of them is it!
                                                       Firstly and most importantly make sure that in the company of that person you remain what you are. I mean a monkey can find a crocodile very attractive but then for how much time can he survive living in a pond and behaving like a crocodile. Thus;

Rule 1: If you are a monkey, make sure you remain one and not end up with a crocodile in his pond.

                                          Secondly, people give so much weightage to looks while finding ‘The one’. They want perfect height, built, features and complexion in their prospective ones. Spoiler alert! This is the known fact of this universe that once you possess something it isn’t that much attractive as it used to be. Remember all the extravagant shopping you’ve done? Let it be a watch so pretty or a car so adorable. Do they seem as charming to you now as when you didn’t have them?

Rule 2: Even that awesome Gucci watch wouldn’t remain so awesome once when it is yours! Go for virtues you dumb.

         Then again, remember nothing in this world is absolute. Everything falls in one or another category of the relativity. So don’t go mad if you discover that your partner is not perfect because even you aren’t and no one is. If someone despite of all your irritating habits and shortcomings wants to live with you and listens to you with interest, trust me there is nothing more you could ask for.

Rule 3: Even gases follow real gas theory and not the perfect gas theory due to van der walls forces. So be realistic and keep calm!

Okay enough talking for now. Besties for the hunt people.

Love you all..!

Stay tuned.

The one about blah-blah-hood and it's consequences!

Being talkative is fun! Isn’t it? I mean look at the beauty of being talkative. You can utter every single thought even before it comes in your mind fully, the final (and initial, and middle, and every) call has to be yours; you can be a true beneficiary of that 1paisa/2 minute scheme your network is providing and so on! But..wait, with the benefits come inevitable side effects too. First of all you will start losing track of time as this blah-blah-hood will lead you to spend hours in those monologues, your room mate will have to suffer with your somniloquy and the worst part is some people will start considering you as a relationship expert. You will end up explaining them ‘what-to-do-and-what-not-to’ in a relationship. Now that’s  total crap because beauty of blah-blah-ism lies in talking nonsense and whatever comes in your mind and not in what people want to hear!

Lately I’ve come in contact with so many creeps who wanted relationship advises from me. So I thought why not to put advises in a write-up form and make myself free from this recurrent torture.

Hence here are some bits and essence of relationship advises from my side-

First of all, never ever ask for your partner’s credentials of social networking sites. You may end up finding a chat in which he/she used a winky smiley or some subtle signs of flirt with someone that is totally normal but it will make you crying your eyes out and thinking all the nonsense stuffs! So never ever have his/her credentials and if you have them don’t ever use them for two reasons-

1.      For your own good stupid! You don’t want to shatter peace of your mind.

2.   Saying, ‘see! How much I trust you baby!’ is an all time great line.

Secondly, keep them telling about your latest crushes. It makes them believe that you have some life of your own. I mean, come on! ‘there-could-be-no-one-else-I-can-even-look-at’ line seems too cheesy and irritating some times. There should be some variation and element of surprise but (Alert!) at the same time don’t take it too far like ‘ohh-I-cant-stop-thinking-about-my-latest-crush’. Always remember to drop your crush within a week by telling your partner, ‘uhh, I don’t find him/her attractive any more’.

And then what..umm..yeah!you might be a hilarious person, making fun of everyone (and of your partner) all the time but at times give them a spec of sincerity too by telling them how special they are and how lucky you are having them. Talk to them about various things so that they get to know how dynamic of a person you are! 

And do an array of all the similar things like mentioned here.

 If these don’t work out, please don’t come to me. I beg you I’m not a relationship expert.

And if it was enough, let me go back to my ‘blah-blah-hood’!

Thankyou!