You don't care! Really?

    It’s interesting how carelessly people use the phrase ‘uhh, I don’t care’ for the things they eventually start caring for the most. Trust me, it can be anything like a costly pair of shoes they can’t afford, a relationship or a death by chocolate cake containing calories equivalent to their monthly diet chart. It simply can happen with anything.

                                                                                             Umm.. like someday you hear about a death by chocolate cake from a famous bakery. You peep at it during your next visit to buy confectionary. You find it so tempting and to-die-for at the same time but you just shrug your shoulders saying, ‘uhh, I don’t care’. You’re back to home but the cake keeps on haunting you. It comes in your dreams and dance in front of you all the time. You want it so badly that you go back to buy it. You start eating it on a regular basis and soon you are addicted. And before you realize it you are in a committed relationship with this cake. For the time being you feel happy and content.

                                                                   

                          But along with this brief happiness, inevitable side-effects come too. The extra calories totally ruin your dieting chart and counterbalance the hard work you put on in doing Yoga, workout and cardio. Your belly starts saying hi to you. You see it happening but you deceit yourself thinking its casual, not that important in your life and you can throw it out of your life whenever you want. But soon enough you’re trapped in its charm.

                                                                                You keep on visiting the shop and bringing it home. Your friends hold interventions and warn you that you should stop seeing this cake. You make promises that you’ll kick it out of your life but now is not a good time. Soon you realize that you deserve a kick at your posterior to let this cake enter in your life at the first place but now it’s too late and you are completely helpless.

                                                          And after a whole gamut of traumatic events and confessions you get rid of your dysfunctional relationship with this cake. You cry your eyes out and decide that never ever you’ll utter the words, ‘uhh, I don’t care’ again. Because caring a little bit, trying it out for a little while and then let it go with ease is much better than what you just did. Right? Right!

And no, this post is  not about the cake, you moron!

A letter to the one part-2

Dear You,

               It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve addressed you. Last time I wrote you a letter I felt as if you were approaching towards me. But two years have been passed and there is still no sign of you. I wonder what happened? May be you joined AAP and doing Dharna somewhere. If that’s the case, please baby come and find me first. Afterwards we’ll do Dharna together. May be it’s not the case. May be you haven’t found me as you don’t know whom to look for. So I’m giving you a clearer picture of myself to make things easy for you. Here are some salient characteristics of me-          

1. I don’t believe in dressing ostentatiously. Most of the time you’ll find me in shorts, wearing specs and making love to my laptop by immersing in it completely.

 2. I’m not pretty. You can find me smart, sharp, easy going kind of person but not pretty. So make yourself clear if I’m the one you are looking for.

 3. I love making fun of even the most boring events and recounting those stories to everyone but on the other hand I’m tended towards silence at times.

 4. Some days I wake up with an idea all over my mind and it lingers to me for the whole day. But you know, as the days change my ideas change too. But it applies only to superficial issues. For core issues my opinion remains the same.

 5. I am not perfect. I made and make mistakes. But I can assure you I’ll not repeat the same mistake all over again.

                In my standard 7^th science textbook I read about symbiotic    relationship in which both organisms are dependant on each other.  Well I’m looking for the same thing in my love life. This idea    charms me like hell.

                           Though I know that chances of our meeting are very slim but I trust in destiny. I’m waiting for you. And I’m in love with the idea of loving you already. So come fast, find me and let me recount “How I met your father” story to our future kids.

Much more things in mind but,

Rest in the depth of future.

Love,

Deepshikha

        February 3, 2014

You want me forever? Bitch please!

      Gone are the days when perfect love stories used to charm me. Word ‘perfect’ in itself is loaded with expectations and polishing. I might sound like a complete idiot but I really mean it, when I say, I like the rustic rawness of imperfection better than the orchestrated neatness of perfection. At some levels clumsiness seems much more attractive to me. Wait, wait, wait I can give you examples from our surroundings. Just think of a well planned garden with geometrical plan, trees stood in perfect circles and flower rows in alternate shades of colors. And compare it with a wild forest where trees overlap one another,  greenery is visible till where your eyes can go and birds singing their relentless songs. Nature at its best! What seems more appealing?

                Likewise, when someone says me, I want you forever, I get this very nauseating feeling. I can’t take on the eternal concept of a perfect man who adores me everyday and who’d rather DIE than not to be with me. I can’t be a perfect one for someone DAILY. Some days I’m good, at the others I’m not. Some days I may love you like maniacs, at the others I may even want you to disappear from my sight for a while. Things on a daily basis trouble me or rather ‘haunt’ me. What is the beauty of a thing if it happens daily?  So what’s the big deal about wanting someone forever and making everything perfect? I mean you may be a commitment phobe and I may be an eccentric one and we may prove to be outstanding together.

I’m not saying perfect love stories aren’t real. I know a man who loved a single woman for straight 70 years and made her feel like a 16 years old girl everyday; my 83 years old grandfather. But it’s rare and more of a thing of past.  Now a days imperfection is more genuine.

             So be real, be imperfect and last but not the least- ‘BE YOURSELF’.

Because even I want you forever, not everyday but forever! ;)

Improper? yes, i am!

         When I was a kid, elders and their maturity used to allure me to the core. I mean, come on, elders were charming and so was everything about them. My greedy eyes were always transfixed on their spectacles, wallets, bags and even on the mask of graveness that covered their face. Their life seemed sublime and royal. They didn't have to go to school or do homework or solve blood sucking maths sums (No offence, but I seriously didn't find any use of Laplace Theorem in my daily life even once; so all of you who are progenies of Ramanujanan-‘ we are good without maths’, okay?)

        Somehow I liked gossip aunties and their endless hours of gossiping too. The subject of their gossiping was always unknown but I assumed that they are adults and they would be talking about something grave and serious.

        I wanted to become an adult as soon as possible. When kids of my age were busy with cartoons, cocoa milk and loud music, I was appreciating news channels, coffee and gazals. My mother never received any complaint about my fighting with other kids because I found fighting ‘juvenile and immature’. I used to look at children of my age with disgust and think, ‘one day I’ll get older and days of my happiness will come’.

        But as it is said, ‘life is dynamic and so are thoughts and desires’.

        Twelve years later, I’m an adult who crossed teenage three years back and surprisingly ( or is it surprising really?) my idea of happiness just got reversed. Now I think there is something seriously wrong with me; like my biological clock is ticking in anticlockwise direction or so. Now I like cocoa milk, cartoons and hip-hops better than coffee, news channels and gazals respectively. I started having silly fights with friends on silly matters like 'ohh-you-made-fun-of-me-you-are-dead-to-me' or 'you-wont-let-me-to-ride-your-bike-go-to-hell'. I mess up with persons easily and then I explain myself to them as- Hey! I’m just 22, how can you expect me to act mature?

       Yeah, I know I’m contradicting statements made by 10-year-old-me, but hey! People change, okay? ( I have every possible excuse for my callousness).

       But strangely since many days I’m hearing gossips aunties’ enchanted gossips even more loudly. What they are talking about? And why they are looking at me?

       Oh my God! Now it’s making sense to me! Since all these years gossip aunties were gossiping about persons like me who don’t follow ideal sequences of biological clock. But then again, who the hell even cares? Keep enjoying aunties I’m gonna provide you so much to gossip about in future. It's my life and life is about change.

     And for present me, what’s next? cartoons? positive! Hallelujah!  

Chicken soup for..umm..aah..yeah,desperately in love souls..!

     During one of our ‘SEEMINGLY’ intellectual chit-chats, a very good friend of mine asked me, "How will you characterize the state of being in love?”. I thought a lot but whatever came to my mind seemed to be very adequate as well as inadequate description of the indescribable feeling. After a limbo of one and a half year and observing many acquaintances and well knowns who are desperately in love, I think I can finally answer her question.

     To my truest belief (Hmph! truest), the most striking characteristic of being in love is that ‘in desperate love we always invent the characters of our partners’. We start portraying our partner’s looks, dressing, behavior, beliefs, talents, hobbies, thinking, attitude, altitude and even aptitude (tad appalling but a true fact). We get disappointed when our beloved fails to play the character, we’ve created for them. After all we created and decorated it with such a divine interest. A character they should fit in, perfectly. Did I say ‘they should’? Minor correction here, they have to! Anyways it’s minor only, right?  

    My friend X, who is an efficient singer, wants her boyfriend to sing like Enrique Iglesias so that they both can sing duets, and you might consider it as an exaggeration but I haven’t come across such a cacophonous human being. Evidently X is very despondent and her boyfriend is a tortured soul (his neighbors too!), the poor fellow has to practice singing by every now and then.

    J, my classmate from school, always featured his partner as a sophisticated and poised girl and so she is; with a perfect balance of mind and composure! The girl also knows Italian and is an epitome of sophistication. In J’s words ‘crème de la crème’ (oops! not exactly his words, he learnt them from his girlfriend!).

    Preferences vary and that too swiftly and moderately, in both ways. I enquired many persons and their preferences can even make you go nuts. Some want their partners to be sporty, some want them to be lazy (partners of some hyperactive persons really want so!), some want them to be good speaker, some good listener, some want them to be intellectual, some geek and the list and tally goes on like this.

     It’s not like these are the signs of selfish love; these are pure characteristics of deseperatey-in-love persons. As they assume their partners as their personal property and I think each and every owner wants to see his property in the best form and state. If there is any alteration by any chance, they are fully capable to mend it and they mend it by every possible way. It’s just like converting a NSC into a ULIP or KVP or vice-versa according to the need and terms of conversion but ultimately every saving is accounted for the MUTUAL FUND which insures for a better future. So never mind their acts as they are just too much sunken in love which makes them to do all this stuff.

 Correct? Correct!

  

   

   

  

  

  

     

The valiant never taste of death but once..!

      Once upon a time, I used to be this person, one; who was afraid of almost every thing. Afraid of loosing the persons close to my heart, afraid of letting a thing or phase go from my life, afraid of leaving familiar places, even afraid of missing a local train(true story, not an exaggeration..!) and just portray a whole gamut of similar or non similar things, I was afraid of all of them. Life was not less than a disaster, I used to cherish the past and good times that I spent, ignoring the present; I was destroying and the future; I was wasting. I spent whole my childhood reciting the lines of Rudyard Kipling,
                "If you can make one heap of all your winnings
                 And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
                 And lose, and start again at your beginnings
                 And never breathe a word about your loss;
                 Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
                  And-which is more-you'll be a man my son!"

  However; I could never apply them in my life for two reasons-

      1.     Firstly; as I mentioned I was too afraid of any change to take place or of taking a risk(no really, things go faster than you think).

      2.     Secondly; I assumed Rudyard Kipling was addressing men not women(winks..! ;) )

But I tell you, life was not good back then, I felt like dying a hundred times everyday. I couldn’t gather the courage of living with a change and made my life stagnant. But somehow I always had a feeling that this is not my destiny, this is not what I am. My mother is a very strong person. I asked her once, “ Mom, which and where was the best time of your life?” She replied, “ Now, now is the best time of my life, where is immaterial. Try to make your home wherever you are. Life without changes can not be considered as life because life moves on”. I loved the idea but I didn’t know how to imply it in my life.

         After some very significant events that occurred in my life, I got to know that my gut feeling was right. As some events change your thinking, some change your way of living but those events changed me from ‘what I was’ to ‘what I am’. I became an acolyte of changes and risks. I’m not saying each of the things I did, fetched me with fruitful results only, some of them even provided me with horrible consequences but nothing could snatch my peace of mind hitherto. I started experiencing every color of life by widening my purview and thus I realized what kinds of joys fearlessness provides you. Truly said,

      “Cowards die a thousand times before their deaths,

        The valiant never taste of death but once…!”

Stay tuned

A letter to "The One"....!!!

  

Dear You;

Today I’m addressing you for I know that you are on board on a ship of future that is leading you towards me. I’m feeling like our longitude has been coincided and latitude is going to coincide soon(yayy!!). You know what is the best thing about picturing you in my head (I mean aside from picturing you, no offence!!)? That is the opportunity, to picture you as I want you to be. I can even picture you as Elvis Presley’s younger brother with greenish blue eyes and all but you know I’m not that avaricious and I  have a very reasonable(yeah,reasonable according to me!) list of expectations that I would like to feature in you.

I’d like to begin with-

1.     I firmly believe that God has fixed one and only one person for us and one fine day our destiny will introduce that person in our life but unfortunately till then everyone is used to enjoy his/her own “setting”. Emergency alert!!! If you are enjoying that “setting” kindly delete that from your database as soon as possible. Your future and final partner is not liking this very idea.

2.     Though I am not attached to materialism but I accept the fact that only that person can enlighten you with the benefits of dieting who is capable to eat sizzlers at Garden De’Bistro. So boy, I expect you to play in millions and as you’ve got it, don’t be shy to flaunt it. After that if you wish we can go for a simple living but you must have to have it.

     3.    Smoking turns me off and my being allergic to fumes adds on to it. But I love the idea of drinking with you and to perform pas de deux on the tune of our own ballads after being totally down.

   

     4.     I like fighting, seriously! I love it when people even loose the track of what they were fighting for. I want to have many of those fights with you but I expect that you will resolve all the fights in seconds if you’ll find me close to tears which is practically next-to-impossible, considering you will be the one who will end up in tears, believe in my guts sweetheart!

     5.     I love to speak, I’m speaking fluently since an age when I was not even capable of walking properly and was a toddler. So I believe that you would be a good listener and always remember that you can not fake me by “selective listening”, you’ll have to be an “empathetic listener”  and an obedient follower of whatever I say, I actually featured you as under my thumb creature but hey! You should appreciate my honesty atleast I’m telling what I actually want. See how good I am(winks..!!).

     6.     My list is so very endless and I fear that it would act as a repellant for you if you’d read all my demands at a time. So I will keep giving you regular doses at regular intervals(see, how considerate I am!).

And lastly I’d like to conclude with that I’m all talks. You know playing with words is my forte so I keep playing with them with every possible aspect. Don’t confuse my words as my desires. They are completely different. And the only thing I’d really like to have in you is a wonderfull heart on which I’ll not make any compromise.

Rest in the depth of future!

Love-

Deepshikha

30^th april 2011

Stay tuned.